mind body mama: Late to the Party

I used to be an overachiever. I used to be ahead of the curve, anticipate the obstacles, and wield an air-tight plan complete with contingencies. As much as I didn’t want to admit it last night when Janet Superhero cracked on the acronym, “Proper Prior Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance” was a common by-word of my upbringing. I come by it naturally; I can’t help feeling behind if I am not ahead.

But there are other proverbs available by which to live one’s life. One of Ellen Snortland’s comes to mind: “If it weren’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.” And motherhood has mellowed me. As a mother, so much happens outside of what you’ve planned that planning seems beyond the point.

Plus, as has been noted, I really, really needed a vacation.

All this to say: I did not keep my (self imposed) deadline of posting last week. And I did not come up with a pithy way to wrap up 2009. But, serendipitously, my procrastination provided me with inspiration.

Some might think it better called “cheating.” But here’s another proverb for you: “Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.”

Bloggers smarter than I—like Lesbian Dad and Jen at Momalom—used their New Year’s post to round up their favorite posts of 2009. What a brilliant idea! And to think, if I had posted on time I would not have had a chance to steal imitate flatter it.

Instead of a monthly 2009 round up, I’m pulling together my favorite posts on a favorite subject. So if you’re late to the mindbodymama party you can catch up on what’s going on around here.

Raising a Strong Voiced Girl

Ellen Snortland says,

“One of the things that makes you an expert in your field of ‘how to’ is being able to discern that which is absent and then making it visible in an understandable, accessible way.”

This is, above all, what I am trying to do when I write about the intersection of self defense practice and parenting. Even though when I say those words out loud in the same sentence—“self defense and parenting”—as I did at a dinner party of Life Coach Jillian’s last year, people’s eyes glaze over and roll back in their heads and they get very quiet and tense.

What do they think I mean? Teaching my child how to mace her classmates on the playground? Using jujitsu to throw her clingy little body off me when I need some space? Practicing our blood curdling screams together? They’re probably thinking Stranger-Danger and that we spend our evenings studying the online sex offenders’ registry.

None of these are really terrible ideas—except maybe the mace. And the fact that kids are more often assaulted by people that they know than by true “strangers.” And the phrase Stranger Danger is hackneyed, over used, inflammatory, and ineffective.

None of that really matters, though, because it’s not what I’m doing.

This is what I write about: How I—and BirthPie, and Party Pam, and Life Coach Jillian and Foxy and all the black belt and color belt and car-pool mamas at The School of Love—parent our children so they can develop and strengthen the skills they need to protect themselves in this world.

The skills we teach are best summarized by the Five Fingers of Self Defense:

• Use your mind and breathe.
• Use your voice.
• Create distance.
• Fight back if you have to.
• Tell someone you trust.

We teach these skills the way we teach our kids any other deeply held values and spiritual practices: We let them see us practice. We teach by example. We talk about what we believe. We seize on teaching moments.

Here are some of my reflections on the intersection of self defense and parenting:

Mama Rage—Why we have to stand up for our kids, and why it is so hard.

Raising A Strong Voiced Girl, How To—A primer for the parent who wants to raise a girl who knows that she’s worth defending.

Hidden Hurt—What’s missing when parents ask their kids to change, “so they won’t get hurt.”

Get Your Self Defense On—My thoughts on how a violent episode played out in the media, and how my family turned a playground threat into a teachable moment.

Germ Warfare—Life with a girl who knows how to say “NO!”

Raising a Strong Voiced Girl—The essay that started it all, online at the sadly defunct http://www.mamazine.com/.